your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
