drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
