so that wasnt chicken after all
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
