My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize