I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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