Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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