life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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