the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
