I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
