WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
