get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
