I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
