We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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