Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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