3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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