fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
