I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
