Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
