I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
