It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
