Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
