why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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