Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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