I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Houston, we have a blender
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
