Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
