They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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