If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
