today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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