She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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