My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
