I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
