The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize