handjob tips. give me some.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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