dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
