I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
