It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
