where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
