remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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