dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
