the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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