Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
