I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
