'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
