mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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