if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
