i think i have two assholes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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