I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
