i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
