Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
