You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
