hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
