At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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