Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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