That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
