Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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