you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
