Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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