i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
